Through the years of life to this
point, I have come into many times when things seems as though they were
falling apart, as if my world was caving in. Times when it felt like I had no control or that someone was
“wronging” me.
When
I get into those times, when those thoughts start trickling in, I have had to
come up with a way to recognize and get myself out of the lower vibration. I tend to slide into a depression or
like the world did not want me around.
It is strange, as that is not my true nature, but this is a battle I
have had for years. Some may say
depression, other may say I have expectations, other will project that it’s
bi-polar or the PTSD. Over time I
realized it was not one of those things at all.
It
was easy to mask it as depression or anger or some pendulum swinging back and
forth of emotions. People see what
they know or what they have been told.
What was really happening was I was shutting down and shutting out the
world around me. I have found
myself sequestered for weeks only reaching out via the computer or a text if
even. It’s been a battle my whole
life. Yes, it stems from abuse and
so many other life experiences but just when would I find a way to grab it by
the balls and not let it affect or infect my life?
I
realized when I was speaking with people I wouldn’t hear everything that was
said. My brain was too busy
thinking of the next thing to say.
Of course, when I spoke, what came out tended to be statement about what
I was going through and not in response to what the other person was trying to
tell me. I wasn’t listening, but I was projecting a crisis. See, when you are brought up in a life
of crisis (abuse, single parent, death of loved ones, etc) a filter is made at
how you see the world, or at least there has been a HUGE one for me that is
taking years to remove.
I didn’t recognizing I was broken.
What I knew no longer was working and I needed to grow. Realizing so much of what I had been
taught was not how the world worked in reality. The things I was not exposed to as a child challenged my
adult mind. I was TOLD it was
different but experiencing something opposite of what I had been taught! I hadn’t been actively participating in
my life. Through the trauma’s, I
shut myself down and into a submissive being. I allowed the manipulation of my emotions and even my life
with the people and things I had allowed into it. Even though I thought I had worked on those issues years
ago, here they are haunting me again.
Because
of recognizing these patterns in me, I had to find a way to push through to the
other side. I needed to find a way
to shift my perception and challenge what I thought I knew. The words “Go APE” came to me. I
laughed. Was I to go nuts! Was I to just loose it and freak
out! That actually sounded
appealing but after some time of thinking, recognized that would lead me
nowhere.
Going
APE…..what was my brain saying? I
thought for a bit. APE had to
stand for something my brain wanted to teach me so I look carefully at the word
and let it tell me what it meant. A is for Action (getting off your butt and
doing something), P is for Participation (reaching out and asking for help and
allowing the lessons take you to what you need to know) and the E representing
Experiencing/Exploring (allowing yourself to
take in the entire picture of your situation, not just the narrow view you have
been filtering it through).
Actively Participating in the experience, going APE.
WOW,
how simple was that? As I pondered
those words, the past started flooding my mind. There had been so many situations where I had turned myself
off and gave no response or action to what was happening in my world. I was playing a victim even though I
didn’t mean or understand it that way that was the energy I was giving off. Times when I wasn’t listening but only
blabbing about poor me or crying wolf as many would call it.
The
emotions struck me upon that discovery that day. I knew that one of my major challenges so far had been how
to Actively Participate and Experience each and every moment of life. Learning and growing and actually
seeing the world for what it is.
To get out of my head and BE WHERE I AM AT THAT TIME. Truly be present
in what the world is trying to teach me and support me with.
To
this day, I slide back into those filters and programs of old. I am but in the human-suit and takes
conscious effort to be present and not just let the programs kick in. It’s through being present in each
moment and not stuck in a past story in your head. To many of us get caught up on “what should have been”
instead of “what is”.
I
encourage you to try out this process.
Let those simple words speak to you when you are feeling defeated, stuck
and challenged. That is the best
time to GO APE! Reach out and
Actively Participate and Experience what the world is trying to offer you, in
every moment, every step, every second of your being! Let it show you how to break out of the
old and bring you to the higher awareness of your surroundings, into the truth
of this moment of now.
Learn to ask questions and listen,
when you start to feel yourself move into that shutting down feeling. That is the time to communicate and
reach out. Your spirit is asking for the healing at that time. Your brain wants to break the cycle and
that is why it comes up. What a
more perfect time to GO APE!
No
one has all the answers. The
journey is yours to experience in any way you wish but wouldn’t it be nice
having nothing to hold you back?
This is yet another tool to help recognize the blocks weather real or
imagined. So the next time you
feel yourself spinning, stop, take a deep breath and see what the APE has to
say.
Looking
forward to hearing how it works for all of you. Again, yet one more tool for your tool box of life.
A is for Action (getting off your
butt and doing something, get that energy
moving)
P is for Participation (reaching
out and asking for help and recognizing your
Participation in this. Recognizing the steps you took that got
you into these feelings/situation to begin with)
of your situation, not just the narrow view you have been filtering it
through and allowing it to
transform those outdated beliefs or blocks)
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